Sitting. Waiting. Wishing.

We walked into the overcrowded, stuffy Social Security Office, went through security and proceeded to the ticket kiosk. My jaw dropped when I saw the number printed on our ticket: 180. My eyes glanced over at the screen and the shock continued. They were on number 118. We walked over to the hard, subway-style metal bench and settled in... This was going to be a long wait.

Have you ever waited in a Social Security Office (or any government building for that matter)? Let me tell you, it's not fun and it's long. There is nothing to do or watch, and if you have a toddler with you, you can't just slip away into your iPhone while the minutes (hours) tick by. When you have a toddler with you, you have to find a way to keep them entertained (and quiet) and keep the both of you from going insane.

Now, I consider myself to be a fairly patient person (I contribute years of child care and teaching experience to that). 

But waiting. 

Waiting is a whole other level of patience. 

Waiting for things is hard.

Especially when we live in a society of instant gratification right at our finger tips (thanks Amazon Prime!).

Waiting is hard because we often don't see purpose in it. When we have to wait all we want is for the waiting to end and we feel justified in our complaining/anger/disappointment/etc. while we wait.

The waiting during this adoption process has been HARD. 

Hard is an understatement. It's been: frustrating, defeating, discouraging, disappointing, agonizing, and downright exhausting.

For months, I have asked God to show me the purpose in this season of wait. I have pleaded with Him to cover me with peace and trust as I wait on his timing.

But, in these last few weeks I have found myself time and time again on my knees crying out to God asking (begging) Him to make this waiting end. I have felt tired, weary, broken-hearted, and weak.

Then I heard the words: Wait well.

Wait well. 

Am I waiting well? What does waiting well look like?

He brought me to the story of Hannah. Hannah was a woman who not only waited for years for a son, but as she waited was constantly antagonized by her rival.

Hannah's story is one I held to tightly during Tsega's adoption, as we shared the same desire and I identified with her deep anguish.

This time He showed me something different in Hannah's story. 

Hannah waited well. 

Hannah, burdened in anguish, desperate to bear a son, tortured by her rival, weeping on her knees, clung to the Father.

Hannah did not lose heart. She did not abandon her God or her faith. Instead, she got on her knees, she wept, and she clung to the Father. 

It is so hard to wait, especially when the waiting doesn't make sense, when the waiting seems like an injustice (or in some cases is an injustice), but we have two choices when we wait. 

We can wait poorly or we can wait well. 

Neither one will make the wait any faster, but one will make you better in the waiting.
In this season of waiting I have been discouraged, I have questioned God's goodness and His faithfulness. I had started to lose heart.

Hannah's story reminded me that I can wait in uncertainty and not falter in my faith because God is certain of the future. His timeline is so different and yet so much better than mine. A day is nothing to Him. Even a few months are mere minutes. I can look back at several instances in my life and be reminded of His goodness and His faithfulness.

I truly do not understand His timing nor does He owe me an explanation for it (ever!) but, I know that He has never let me down, or failed me, and for that I owe Him my trust. Even when I am at my weakest and weariest.

He loves our daughter far more than we ever could (I mean He created her for crying out loud).  He knew her future before we ever even knew her name.

Even though it is hard, and it hurts, and I am TIRED, and I can feel my strength slipping away, I am choosing to press into Him.

"I remain confident of this: 

I will see the goodness of the Lord

 in the land of the living. 

Wait for the Lord; 

be strong and take heart 

and wait for the Lord."

Psalm 27:13-14