It is hard to believe that we have had custody of and been home with Tsegazeab (pronounced Sega (like the video game system) Zeb) for over a month. I have been trying to sit down to write an update for a while now but I have barely been able to catch my breath. Having him home in a lot of ways is still very surreal. I catch myself just staring at him in awe that he is actually playing in his room, or napping on my chest, or tagging along in the backseat.
2 1/2 years ago Barry and I set out on this adoption journey, we weren't too sure what it would entail or how long it would take but I can tell you we definitely had no idea how emotional it was going to be. After each milestone we would find ourselves exhaling a little but inhaling even more as we prepared for the next step.
Nothing could have prepared us for what the last 4 months had in store.
When we decided that I would take a trip to Ethiopia to meet Tsega we were hopeful we'd be able to bring him home, but we knew nothing was guaranteed. I wasn't exactly sure what God was calling me out there to do (other than to meet our son) but looking back I can see his fingerprints all over that trip.
A month into my time in Ethiopia the government had put a suspension on all adoptions (as you all know) I honestly thought my heart was breaking. The reality of being able to bring Tsega home not only on this trip but ever was quickly slipping through our fingers. I couldn't fathom leaving Ethiopia without him but we weren't sure if adopting him was ever actually going to happen.
God was so faithful to both of us during what (for me) was the HARDEST walk of faith I have done in my life. I constantly felt his provision, his steady peace, and his guidance in each day as we waited to hear what would happen.
Fast forward to June, we received our positive MOWA comment, our court date, and took custody of our son (FINALLY!)
All of the prayers, the tears, the heartache, the crying out on bended knee, the frustration, the up and down roller coaster ride, the uncertainty, it's all over!
Now, all of this was/is extremely exciting and long awaited for us. However, adoption is rooted in deep loss, and even though Tsega is just shy of 2 years old that concept is not and was not lost on him.
So, although we were and are rejoicing to have Tsega home with us, we are also very aware of the fact that there was and still may be mourning for him.
God orchestrated me to be out there and to spend 3 1/2 months getting to know him on his turf and allowing us to be comfortable with each other. But, there are things you can't explain to a 2 year old (beside the fact that we also have a language barrier) so when we took him away from his orphanage, basically the only home he has ever known, it was hard for him. He had nannies who loved him dearly and he loved them in return. He had friends and "older siblings" who played with him and took care of him every day. Having all of that taken away from him was hard.
We are amazed with how well Tsega is adjusting; he is beginning to feel safe and comfortable around Barry and me. But, he is still adjusting and learning. He is learning what a mother and a father are and WHO his mother and father are. He is learning to trust us and to feel safe around us. I spent a lot of time with him in the orphanage but he never realized I would take him out of that so now he has to learn that this home with Barry and me is permanent. No one is going to come and take us away from him or him from us. He is learning to adjust to new sounds, new food, new smells, new people, and a whole new environment.
Any and all of that is a lot of adjustment for an adult who has the mental capacity and language to understand what is going on, let alone a toddler.
With that being said, we have some things we would like our friends and family to know going forward.
This is applies to everyone, we are not singling anyone out with this message.
We are asking our friends and family to not pick up Tsega. We know this is a hard one, and something those of you who have stood beside us since the beginning have been waiting for but it is important. When you grow up in an orphanage you are hugged, kissed, and picked up by many different people, especially strangers. We want to make sure that Tsega knows who his parents are, that he comes to us first, and that he feels safe with us. Allowing him to be held by everyone makes it hard to create that bond and send that message.
We are asking our friends and family to not give Tsega any food, drinks, or meet any of his needs. As I mentioned before Tsega is learning what a mother and a father are and although he calls us "Mama" and "Ababa" (dad in amharic) he doesn't fully know what those words mean. He is learning that we are different than his nannies (he called some of them "mommy") at the orphanage and that we will forever provide for all of his needs. When other people start feeding him or meeting his needs it begins to send him mixed signals and it makes it hard for him to differentiate between Barry and me and everyone else.
Please be patient with us, there is a big learning curve here, as we are new parents. We are allowing TJ to lead us and show us what he is and is not ready for. If we have to cut conversations short, change plans, or leave events early. Please know that it is not personal. We are not trying to hurt feelings or leave anyone out, we just want to do what is best for our son.
We know these things are big asks, we know they are hard, and we know that they may sound extreme. We have done a lot of research, spoken with a lot of experienced adoptive families, and we have prayed a lot about it, and right now this is what is best for our son. Adoption and overcoming trauma is not something to be taken lightly. We want to set Tsega up to be really successful and for him to have great relationships with all of our friends and family and we feel that these things will allow for that to happen in the future.
If you have any questions or want to talk with us more about it please feel free. We love you all so very much and we are so grateful for the overwhelming flood of love and support from everyone.
Love,
The Jordans
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