Each year Barry and I buy a new Christmas ornament
and we write all of our favorite memories and big moments from the year on it.
It is one of my most favorite traditions we do, and I always look forward to
it. As we sat down to fill out our ornament this past season, for the first
time since starting the tradition, coming up with memories was a struggle. As
we reflected on 2016 we realized we didn't do a whole lot. We didn't go on any
trips (until Toronto at the verrrry end), there weren't any significant changes
or events, we only went to 2 weddings (that's a big deal for us, last
year we went to at least 10) what we really did was wait. and wait. and wait.
and wait.
2016 was a year spent waiting.
We chose to put an entire year of our life on hold,
waiting to bring our son home. We chose to have crazy faith, that TJ would come
home by the end of 2016. And, because of that faith we didn't go anywhere, we
said no to many things in order to save money, we didn't adventure, and
explore, the way we normally would because we had faith that TJ would be home.
As we tried to conjure up some ideas so that our
ornament wasn't bare, we couldn't help but feel a little.... depressed.
And I began to question. Why did we wait? Were we
supposed to just wait? Did we do something wrong?
**Let me just clarify, I know that waiting was what
God had for us and there was so much purpose and faith building in the wait
(and we did do things, we didn't just sit around, but by
comparison it was extremely low key). We don't regret waiting, waiting for TJ
is completely, and totally, 100% worth it. However, Barry and I both felt
that waiting wasn't what God had for us in 2017.
Going into the new year, I carried that memory and
those questions with me, and I began to ask even more questions: What will 2017
be like? Will we spend it waiting too?
I didn't want to spend another year waiting, I
didn't want to feel like our lives were put on hold again. And, honestly, I was
scared. I was scared to hope for TJ to come this year, we had already walked
through a whole year of hoping, to turn around and be disappointed. Not only
was I scared, I was tired. Tired of clinging to my last strand of faith, tired
of choosing trust and just tired of waiting.
A few weeks ago I allowed myself to finally process
through all of these emotions. I knew I couldn't push them aside any longer. I
needed to let it all out, ask God my questions and spend time being honest,
open, and raw with him. As I was praying, I began to feel a burden being
lifted, hope beginning to be restored, and a crazy idea starting to surface.
I later called a friend, to help me process through everything while
talking with her she asked me, "What do you want to do?" before I
could even think, that crazy idea came pouring from my mouth, "I just want
to go to Ethiopia and stay there until TJ gets home!" Expecting her to
think I was crazy or impractical, you can imagine my surprise when her response
was, "Then Go!"
I brought this idea up with Barry and I was again
surprised to find that he thought it was a great idea. We decided that we would
spend the next few days praying and seeking God's wisdom before making our
decision. Through this time of prayer, I very clearly heard God say,
"Felicia go to Ethiopia, go meet your son." My eyes welled with tears
as I imagined finally getting to hold our little one, joy filled my heart as I
started to feel freedom from the season of waiting, and a restoration of hope
filled my soul. Barry had also felt that going was what God wanted me to
do.
So, with peace in our hearts, ladies and
gentlemen........
I AM GOING TO
ETHIOPIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you can't tell, I am rather excited about the
whole ordeal! We have decided that I will stay for 3 months. I will be leaving
in mid-March, and coming back in mid-June. We have no idea if at the end of it,
I will actually get to bring TJ home, but we both have a lot of peace about it
either way. God will do good things while I am there and he will bring TJ
home in His own perfect time (of course we are praying that it works out for
him to come home in June. I mean how awesome would that be?!?!).
I know some of you may be thinking: 3 months?!?
That's a long time to be by yourself in a foreign country, and a long time to
be away from your husband.
Both of those things are true. To the former, I
have done a lot of traveling in the 1st and 3rd world, by myself and with
others. I know what to do and what not to do, the things I need to look out for
and be aware of, and how to travel alone. To the latter, Barry and I have
made this decison together, with God. We know He will take care of both of us
individually as well as our marriage. We also know that 3 months in the span of
a lifetime is really, pretty small. But these 3 months could be very impactful
not just for our adoption process, but for our little guy as well.
We invite you to pray for us as we embark further
on this adventure.
I will also be collecting donations to take to the
orphanage. If you have ever wanted to do something to directly impact
the lives of orphans, this is a great way to do so. You can click on
the link here and have the items shipped to my
house, or if you're in the area you can pick things up from the store and drop
them by. These donations will go directly to the orphanage to help ALL of the
kiddos there (about 20 kids ranging from infants to 17 years old) and the
amazing nannies that take such good care of them!
I will write a few more updates before I leave. The
Internet in Ethiopia isn't the best but I will try to update as much as
possible while I am there.
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