Rollercoasters & Battlefields

It has been a while since I have written an update. Partially because there hasn't been much of an update, and partially because we have been in a painful waiting period for the last few months.

I am sure I have said it before, but I will say it again, this process is NOT for the faint of heart.


We are still in the process of transferring to our new agency (who would have thought this would be so complicated) and there have been problems at every turn. We have been in the trenches, battling, fighting our hearts out to get things moving, and my emotions have been on the wildest roller coaster ride of their life. I feel like a pubescent teenager all over again. We slowly, anxiously climbed to the top waiting for answers, and then the ride took off. We have gone through many loop-de-loops of immense sadness, worry, and grief, wondering if we would even be able to adopt TJ, and if we'd have to start over. We had hard, jerky, turns of anger and frustration, we had calm, high, moments of hope, and joy, and then the cycle would repeat. It was a never-ending ride and honestly, there were several times where I just wanted to scream, "GET ME OFF!"  It seemed that every time we got a glimmer of positive news, the negative news would come crashing down like a ton of bricks. Like that moment at the top of the ride, when every thing is calm and quiet, and before you know it you are shooting down the tracks, full speed ahead at 100mph and you can't make it stop.

I wish I could go into details but for privacy sake, and because we don't want to defame or misrepresent anything, we can't.


Almost a month ago, we received our PAIR letter (finally!!!); this is a letter that we have been waiting since mid April to get. That was our first win, but the battle continued.

It seemed that every day a new source of drama was unfolding. It's been a battle of he said, she said, and a struggle to get the truth out of anyone. Then slowly, the truth started to unravel, like bombs going off, it was one after another. Discovering that stories had been fabricated, lies were being told, blame was being shifted, that we would now owe even more money than we originally thought etc. etc.

The war waged on, and I sat there asking God, "Why? Why is this happening? Why are we going through this? Why can't we have answers?" I didn't understand, and if I am honest I still don't, I may never. But, one verse that I heard God speak to me throughout the last few months comes from 2 Corinthians, "My grace is all you need. My power is best in weakness". That is the verse that I have been clinging to, most days by the thinnest of threads, but nonetheless I have clung to it. We've been at battle, and we've fought hard. I have fought hard to cling to the Father's hand in all of this, even in my dark moments, of wanting to let go. The moments where I wanted to stop believing that He is good, that He has a plan for me. I felt like the weakest and most wounded soldier, but my hope was in the fact that, that is where God's power works best. When we can't see past the explosions, when we can't see a way out, when we are wandering in the darkness, deafened by bombs, searching for an answer. That is when God's power is at it's fullness. When we are weak and humbled, then he is mighty, lifted high, and glorified.

This week, the battle finally came to an end. We finally (finally, finally, finally!!!) got the answers we have been waiting for. Our transfer is officially complete, and we can now move ahead, PTL! (Insert all happy and celebratory emojis here.)

I am so thankful to the other moms in our adoption group, they have kept me sane, they have also fought hard, made phone calls, written, emails, and refused to give up the fight. One mom from our group was able to be in Ethiopia this week, she was able to arrange a meeting with all parties involved, and she was able to get an agreement and a solution out of them. Thanks to her the battle is over.

We are now waiting to hear from our new agency what the next steps are. We should be getting our first court date very soon. This court date occurs in Ethiopia, but we do not attend it. Once court happens, we wait for a comment from MOWA, (for more information about MOWA check out this post). Depending on how long MOWA takes, travel could be really soon (we certainly hope so!)

We seriously could not do this without all of your love and support. I know that sounds cliche & redundant but I meant it, deeply and truly I do. The comments, texts, messages, phone calls, the people who have brought me ice cream at ungodly hours of the night (when they live on the opposite side of town) and let me cry, and rant to them (you know who you are), the prayers, all of it. It has kept us going, in the moments where I felt like my heart couldn't take it anymore, someone stepped in.

Just like, when Moses could no longer keep his hands raised during the battle, his friends stepped in and held them up. You guys have stepped in, you've held up our hands, and for that we can't thank you enough.