While on her birthday we (Barry, Tsega, and I) spent the day together eating Ethiopian food and singing happy birthday to her, I wanted to do something else to honor her, to remind her that there is not a day that goes by that she is not thought of, loved, or prayed for.
A few months ago, I wrote a poem of sorts for a project. This poem was completely inspired by her and the Holy Spirit. He gave me a deep empathy for not only her, but all older children who are waiting in foster care and/or orphanages.
This poem is about being an older child caught in the waiting. While I have obviously never personally experienced this, I do feel that I can deeply empathize with what it's like and the identity crisis it can create.
I've never shared anything like this before, so please be gentle.
Broken
shattered into pieces on the floor waiting for
someone to put me back together.
Together
what we once were now lost and forsaken and my heart is achin’ hoping I won’t be pulled down by these emotions in the undertakin’.
Taken
everything’s been taken from me, I don’t know where I am, where to go but I am hoping that you’ll find me.
Me
your daughter, the one you’ve lost. Don’t you care that I’m gone? Don’t you care that I’m lost?
Lost
in a sea of strangers, panic creeping over me, confusion clouding my memory. When will these people stop asking me to solve the pieces to this puzzle I didn’t ask to be a part of?
A part of
like I used to be a part of a family, like I long to be a part of a family. Trapped in this cage waiting to break free, knowing that life has more for me, that I don’t have to be trapped in this ambiguity, knowing that there’s someone who doesn’t just want a part of me but all of me and I don’t have to give it away for free.
Free
can I truly be free? Will I always be stuck chasing my identity? Tossed by the waves of where I’m from and where I want to be. Are they even coming back for me?
Will they be this quote unquote family? Will they help me finish my symphony? Or will I always be the soloist in this orchestrated company?
