We are a little over a month in to this suspension and there is
still no new news. There has been clamor of some positive things maybe coming,
but nothing official. The rumors here change direction as quickly as the wind;
it's hard to keep up.
I feel as though I have been on the most insane emotional roller
coaster of my life. Most days, I have been able to cling to hope, to stand firm
on God's promises, to trust that he will prevail, and he will do what he said
he would do. I could write (and have written) pages about all of the verses he
has spoken to me; how I have prayed Exodus 14 over our situation, and how I can
relate more than ever to the passage of Jesus calming the storm. I could tell
you all about the devotions I have read about hope and how the same 10 verses
have not-so-coincidentally appeared time after time.
But, after being on this ride for over a month, it's all starting
to wear me down. It's getting harder to keep my head held high, harder to see
the truth through the harsh winds and heavy rains, and harder to cling to hope
in my Jesus.
"A hope
deferred makes the heart sick, but a dream fulfilled is like a tree of
life."
Proverbs 13:12
I am longing for the day when my soul resonates with the second
half of the verse, when I get to see Him glorified all the way through till the
end of this process, and when our hopes and dreams of adopting our child are fulfilled.
But right now, my heart is sick. I am like Peter walking on water,
slowly beginning to sink.
The first half of this verse is what I am resonating with lately,
and I have honestly found it a comfort. Often times as Christians, when we are
walking through the difficult times we act like we have to pretend we are okay,
we can never admit the struggle, or the pain, or the heartache involved. But
Proverbs tells me, "It's okay to be heartbroken."
If there is anything I have learned in this month of waiting it has
been this: it is important to acknowledge when you're feeling weak, for many
reasons. One, so that your community can step up, strengthen you and BE the
body of Christ. Two, the Bible says that in our weaknesses his perfect power is
complete. If I never humble myself and admit that I am weak, and that I can't
do this on my own, I am never allowing God the opportunity for his power to be
complete. And TRUST me, right now I want nothing more than
for his power to be complete and for his victory to rain down!
There was a period of time where I felt strong, where I was able
to keep my head held high, but I am finally at my weak point. I am at the point
in this journey where I desperately need His power to finish what he has called
us to.
My pastor told me the other day that one of the reasons why
community is so important, is because when we are having our weak days our
community has its strong days.
That is truly how I have felt with all of you
We are so floored by all of you who stepped up and wrote letters
to the Ethiopian ambassador, and wrote letters and made phone calls to our
Congressmen. Your efforts were not in vain, I do think that they have helped,
and we are hoping that we will be hearing really positive news soon.
Many of you have messaged me to check in on me, to speak
encouragement, to send verses, and to just talk. You have showed up when I have
needed it the most, and those are the things that have kept me walking through
the storm.
